The Hoffman Family

Valentines!

2012-02-13T21:32:00.003-07:00

We spent the night making 4 dozen Valentines cookies for Maren's and Kate's preschool classes and lots of Valentine cards for their friends and classmates. It was a blast... Maren has been so excited to do this for a long time. But honestly, I don't know who had more fun, her or I? She loves to cook with me and we have so much fun together.

Love It

2012-02-09T08:54:00.003-07:00

We got "heart attacked" last night... I have a feeling it was the cute young women in our ward, but they left lots of sweet little notes and a plate of cookies on our door. It was a cute surprise and Maren was so excited.

I know I have said it before, but I love where I live. It is such a peaceful, beautiful place and I love my neighbors, our babysitter, Kate's school and doctors, our ward members, neighbors, and friends here. When we first moved to this area I was nervous because it was such a small town. We moved from Park City which was also a small town, but a very different place. The first winter here was brutal. It was record breaking for snow and I was cooped up inside with a newborn. But as time has gone on, I have develeloped a strong love for where I live.

A couple of months ago we had an extremely hard decision to make. Ryan was offered a position in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. For those who know me, I adore Jackson Hole, and I have always felt that we would live there some day. We weighed the pros and cons and did a lot of consideration. I am praying that I didn't hold Ryan back from an opportunity, but I felt strongly that for now we are supposed to stay here. It was a leap of faith to make that decision, but I feel that it is the right one for now. I feel that our lives still have blessings in store for living here and our little family is in the right place.

Anniversary

2012-02-03T07:14:00.003-07:00

This anniversary we are celebrating our 7th anniversary. 7 years of marriage, but it seems like so much longer, maybe because we dated for so long or maybe because we were looking for each other for so long. Regardless, I'm thankful that after all the hoops we went through to find each other, we were married on February 5, 2005 and have never looked back. I am thankful for Ryan, for the hard worker he is, the amazing father he is, and for the loving, accepting husband that he is. Happy Anniversary, Ryan!

Funeral

2012-01-31T06:38:00.003-07:00

Jaime's funeral was yesterday, it was a beautiful and touching tribute to him. He is an amazing man and we will miss him so much. We are so thankful for the time we got to spend with him in our lives and the memories we have of him. We will miss him every day. We ask for prayers for his sweet wife Amy as she goes on without her husband. We love you Jaime!

Jaime

2012-01-25T15:37:00.003-07:00

Our brother in law Jaime lost his 10 month battle with brain cancer today. Our hearts are so full and we will miss him so much. He has shown such amazing strength and bravery through the whole thing. Our comfort is in knowing that he will be welcomed by Jake. My heart aches for our sister Amy, who has shown unconditional love and amazing compassion to her sweet husband for the last year. We pray that she will be comforted and continue to feel Jaime near. At times like this I am so thankful for my knowledge of an eternal plan. Jamie always amazed me with his loyalty, friendship, great sense of humor, protective instincts, and love. We love you Jaime.

What I've learned

2012-01-17T06:59:00.004-07:00

Ryan and I spent the evening last night at a car dealership in Salt Lake shopping for a wheelchair accesible mini van. It was something that we have been thinking a lot about and preparing for. As always with spending time at the dealership, there was a lot of time left sitting on the couch to reflect on things while the salesmen worked on details. As I sat there, I had a lot going through my mind. I thought about the fact that it has been ten years since Ryan and I met. I thought about how dramatically our lives have changed over the past ten years. Ten years ago, I never thought I would be a mini van person, let alone own a van that would accomodate a wheelchair. But I thought a lot too about the last few years and what we've grown since joining the "club" of special needs parents.

I've learned so many things from this angel daughter of mine. I've learned love that was stronger than my heart was capable of feeling. I've learned the right way to hold her, console her when she's inconsolable, to do her hair when she can't keep her head up straight, to dress her and bathe her when her body is tight and she can't do it for herself.

I've learned it's okay to lean on others when I get frustrated. I've learned it's okay to vent. I have a few dear friends and loved ones who are my sounding board at times and to them I am incrediby thankful. I've heard that when you become the mother of a special needs child, you learn who your friends are. People you barely know become close friends and confidants, and people you've been friends with for years become acquaintances. I've learned to be so thankful for those who love my daughter and love me and can handle the times when I just need to talk.

I've learned it's okay to cry. I still have those times, quite often. I still mourn from time to time the loss of the idea of a normal childhood for my girl. I cry sometimes when I see her struggle to keep food down and feel uncomfortable. I cry sometimes when I think about my daughters being 14 months apart but not able to play together in the way that two other sisters might.

But I have also learned to adjust, to be thankful for what I have. I have learned what it is like to have an angel in my home. I've learned to take absolute, pure joy out of beautiful smiles, sweet laughs, and having the most cuddly little girl I know. As a family, we have learned not to let our situation stop us from doing things we love to do together. Kate is just as much a member of our family as our other children are, and we want her to participate in everything.

I've learned it's okay to be excited about watching Eli advance past the developmental age of Kate. At first, I felt guilty about it. But Eli is his own person and each milestone deserves excitement. I have learned to love all my children equally but in different ways.

I am learning (still working on this one) that I need to take care of myself. That I am no good to any of my children if I am stressed out, exhausted, out of shape, or not spiritually strong.

But in may ways, I've learned that I am much stronger than I ever thought I was. I've learned that I can carry a 25 lb child up and down the stairs, into her wheelchair, I can throw that wheelchair in the back of the car like it's nobody's business. I can stay up through the night tending to my child when she can't stop throwing up or is having seizures. I can argue with doctors and insurance companies, even when it's not in my nature to argue. If it benefits my child, I can do it!

Though it's a path we did not know we would face when we met, so care free and innocent, 10 years ago, I wouldn't change this path that we are on. I have learned each day to love my life and the cards that have been dealt to me. I have learned the meaning of the phrase "Come what may and love it". And for that, I'm thankful.

6 Months

2012-01-08T17:21:00.004-07:00

Our baby boy is turning 6 months old this week. He is such a little love, and so much fun! He constantly entertains us and we are amazed all the time at how sweet, mellow, and loving he is. He loves to be cuddled and held and loves to play with his sisters. Maren sings and talks to him and he cracks up laughing for hours, and Kate and him love to lie together on the floor and he talks to her and tries to hold her hand. He is not sitting just yet but we feel he is close. He is saying "ma ma ma and da da da", we like to imagine that he means it. He rolls constantly and has been for a few months, but is finally enjoying tummy time. He loves to play with toys. He is a big boy still and I think he will outweigh his sisters before too long. I am just so in love with this little guy.

The Meaning Behind the Word

2012-01-07T12:29:00.004-07:00

My sister in law shared a post on Facebook this week about a mother who has a mentally disabled daughter and how the use of the “R” word has impacted her life. Like this mother, I have developed a strong dislike for the word “retarded”. I hear people use it on a daily basis to explain something that is negative, something that they don’t like, to make fun of something, including themselves. And every time I hear it, I cringe inside. I don’t say anything, but it stings a little. I really, really hate the word and how people say it so lightly. Of course it takes loving someone who has mental disabilities to have that word take on a new meaning for them.

So I’m so thankful my sister in law shared this on Facebook, and I wanted to share. I would hope that people would think before they use the word. I have shared a link to the blog article for anyone who may be interested in reading it

http://phoebeholmes.com/2011/12/23/being-retarded/

New Year!

2012-01-01T09:02:00.004-07:00

Someone got to stay up to midnight for the first time this year... and she loved it. We had a great New Years Eve, we made home made mini pizzas, watched movies, hung out as a family, and then did fireworks at midnight. We froze our butts off outside in the freezing cold wind, but it was a great time.

2011 was a good year in many ways for our family. The best part was welcoming out little Eli into our family. It was hard in some ways too. But I'm looking forward to 2012 and fresh starts. I am excited to get healthier, it's time to start shedding the baby weight. And one big goal I have for myself this year is to stop stressing myself out so much. I want to start enjoying time with my family more and not letting myself wake up in the night thinking about things that are out of my control. How I'll accomplish that goal, I'm not sure, but I'll figure it out.

I hope you all have a healthy and happy 2012!

Christmas

2011-12-27T06:58:00.003-07:00

Christmas was beautiful this year and we loved spending time together as a family. We went to my mom and dad's for our traditional Christmas Eve dinner, then spent Christmas day together as our small family. The kids loved their presents. Sunday night we spent with the Hoffman family and we were thrilled that Jaime was able to be there with us. Yesterday was very relaxing, and last night we went to a fun arcade in Salt Lake where Ryan and Maren played for hours! I love the holidays and I'm really sad to see them pass us by. But I'm looking forward to the New Year and new goals and new things. I hope everyone had a great holiday!

Festivities

2011-12-22T21:36:00.004-07:00

This year has been surprisingly calm without a large overload of the Christmas activities that we usually have this time of year.. But we have had some fun lately spending time with family with a lot more to come this weekend. It has been fun this year because this is the first year where Maren really understands Christmas. The night of Halloween after she was done trick or treating she was already begging us to put up the Christmas tree. She loves all the lights and decorations. Maren even helped put up most of the ornaments.
We had fun last weekend at Ryan's family Christmas party which is always a big event.
Here's Eli and his cousin Lola who is six weeks older than him. He outweighs her by 5 lbs. My baby boy is a little tank.
Maren's preschool had a fun little program where they performed the Nativity, had treats and did fun Christmas crafts. I do love this time of year!

Temple Square

2011-12-15T06:41:00.004-07:00

We spent the afternoon yesterday meeting with Kate's neurologist at Primary Childrens Hospital. The appointment went well and while we didn't get answers to some questions it did rule out some concerns. Afterwards we took the kids down to Temple Square. I forgot what a fiasco it is getting three kids dressed up in warm clothes, but it was a hit! Maren absoutely loved it, Eli was perfect, and Kate lasted for as long as we expected. We had a wonderful time being together as a family.

Laughing!

2011-12-07T10:35:00.002-07:00

Ryan will probably kill me for sharing this video, but I have to show what a cute bond these two guys have. He gets Eli to laugh every single night and Eli's laugh is the cutest sound ever!

Cousin sleepover

2011-12-04T14:36:00.005-07:00

These two girls are peas in a pod, Maren and my niece Sarah are best friends. Sarah is two days older than our little Katers. Sometimes when I watch these girls I'm so glad they have each other. We had Sarah, her brother JB, and my dad spend the night last night after our extended Karren family party. It was a lot of fun, my dad and Ryan stayed up until 2 am watching the Wisconsin football game. My dad told me this morning when he went up to bed he found that Maren and Sarah had snuck into the playroom and were playing until 3 am. Man, does that bring back memories of my own cousin sleepovers when I was a little girl. It was so fun having them all stay over. I love having a full house.

A Glimpse

2011-11-27T07:19:00.001-07:00

My friend Lisa Harbertson did another beautiful photo shoot of my girls. I asked her to do something to match Eli's newborn shoot we had done right after he was born. She didn't dissapoint... this picture is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I was actually in tears when I saw it because I felt it was beautiful of both girls, but I was also getting a little glimpse of the spirit that was inside sweet little Kate. I adore both of my girls! More to come on my Christmas cards which will be going out soon!

So much to be thankful for

2011-11-19T09:50:00.004-07:00

This is the view from our back yard of a beautiful sunset this past week. I love where I live.

Life has been so crazy busy the last few weeks. We have had a lot going on with our jobs, church callings, family, Kate starting preschool, and other things. But I am trying to slow down today to reflect on those things that I am thankful for at this time of year.

First and foremost, I am thankful for my amazing and sweet family. We are going through tender times right now as my sweet brother in law Jaime is struggling through the final stages of his brain cancer. He is now home from the hospital and hospice care has been called in to help him and make him as comfortable as possible. This man is so amazing. His strong, wonderful personality still shines through. When we have been able to see him he is just his typical self. We are going to spend some time with him during the holiday weekend and can't wait to tell him how much we love him and just be with him. I hate to watch him suffer, but as a family we are strengthened by how much we all love each other. I am so thankful to my extended family as well as Ryan and my three beautiful children. Maren is growing every day and is such a source of light for us. Kate is doing wonderfully, she is loving school, and has been putting on much needed weight. She has been happy the majority of the time. Eli is just my little love-bug. He is happy, sweet, and the most perfect baby.

I'm thankful for the beautiful place we live and our friends and neigbors. This valley is home to me now. I don't really want to leave it. I love the friendly, small town mentality and I love the friends we have made here. I have had the opportunity to grow a lot by teaching Relief Society to the women in our ward. I learn so much from these women and hope I am able to help them learn more in return.

I'm thankful for my job and for the way that they have stuck with me through thick and thin. I am so thankful for the way they have let me work out of my home so I am able to spend the majority of my time with my children and especially tend to Kate's needs. I'm also thankful for Ryan's job and that he has been secure and well loved there.

I'm thankful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The more I learn as I prepare these lessons, the more I love it. The more I know it's true.

I hope all my loved ones out there have a wonderful and peaceful Thanksgiving.

Big Girl

2011-11-09T08:28:00.003-07:00

Well, Kate survived the first day of preschool and her birthday and so did I! My tears were flowing as they loaded her on the bus yesterday. I didn't know how she'd do, since she had a bit of a rough morning. But she really seemed to enjoy it. The kids in her preschool class are just precious. When I went to pick her up they all said "Bye Kate! Happy Birthday Kate!" Melted my heart and gave me a lot of comfort. My heart was full all day for my sweet girl and just thinking about how much she means to our family. Ryan and I took all three kids to the doctors for their immunizations and wellness visits yesterday afternoon. Kate was the biggest champ of all with the least of the tears after the shots!

Happy Birthday Kate!

2011-11-07T18:58:00.003-07:00

I am a bit emotional tonight thinking about Kate turning three years old, tomorrow. You see, Kate is my sidekick. She doesn't ever leave my side. While I have some help with Eli and Maren while I work, Kate is never far from me. I have been so blessed for the past three years to have this beautiful girl be with me every day and I have loved having her here to cuddle, hold, and love. Tomorrow, my baby girl graduates from Early Intervention and will head to the Special Needs preschool. The bus will come pick her up and for the first time in her life she'll be away from me for a few hours every day. I'm nervous for many reasons, how will she be at school, will she be fussy, will she cry? Will they know how to handle her and will they give her the love that I can give her?

I think back to the last three years and what a roller coaster it has been for our family. I think of the surprise of finding out we were expecting Kate when Maren was only 5 months old. It was a scary but exciting time. The thrill of Kate's birth; this beautiful baby girl who would change our lives and hearts forever. The pain we felt when we learned that things would not be as we expected with her. The thrills and pains of watching her learn to struggle to do small things that come so easy for other children. But mostly, I think about the amazing love that has grown for this little girl over the last three years. I didn't know my heart could stretch in so many directions.

What a gift she is to our family. I find myself thanking God for her every day. I am so incredibly proud of this little angel girl. So, as she leaves my side for the first time tomorrow, I am praying that she will be happy and enjoy her school experience. She got a beautiful father's blessing from her daddy last night, and afterwards I felt overcome with comfort that she is going to continue to bless more and more lives as she attends school.

Happy Birthday to my little champion!! I love you Katers!!

Free picture slideshow customized with Smilebox

Halloween 2011

2011-10-31T20:29:00.002-06:00

Mama's Boy

2011-10-24T21:05:00.003-06:00

I am just so smitten with this little man. I am now realizing what the term Mama's boy means. . Eli has entered into that fun age where he is finally awake for long periods of time and he is all smiles. He has been rolling over multiple times a day from his back to his stomach and can't figure out how to get back over, then he gets really frustrated. He is also a thumb sucker, which drives Ryan crazy. He pulls out his thumb only for Eli to put it right back in. He is so wonderful. Kate loves him and calms down whenvever she is next to him. It's strange to me that Eli is only three months old but I feel like we've had him in our family forever. I just adore this little guy.

The Punk of Epic Proportions

2011-10-13T17:12:00.004-06:00

Maren has been such a proud big sister since Eli was born. She loves feeding him and helping us out. But at the same time, she has been a bit naughty lately. Ryan told me that I should write down some of the things she has been saying and doing so we can remember them later. There are a couple of doozies... So here goes.

--She is fascinated watching me fix Eli's formula with water in his bottle. So one day I was tending to Kate, when I came out and saw her feeding Eli a bottle. I could immediately tell it was not Formula that she had mixed together and I started to freak out. To my shock I realized she had mixed two scoops of Miralax (that we stupidly left out within her reach) and fed it to Eli. Thankfully most of it didn't blend with the water and had floated down to the bottom of the bottle. But the next day was NOT pleasant. Poor baby!! (and poor me, for changing the diapers)

--She has found it hard to share at times. One day we were driving in the car and she saw that Kate had a clip in her hair. She told me she wanted to wear the clip. I told her it was Kate's turn to wear the clip. So later that afternoon, they were together in the living room and I was finishing some work in the office. I came out and noticed hair all over the place. She had literally cut the clip out of Kate's hair with the scissors, and all of Kate's hair with it. She now has an inch of bangs that she didn't have before.

--She loves purses and has them all over the house. She probably has about 6 of them. I find them lying around and if something is missing from the kitchen or the bathroom, I can usually find it in one of Maren's purses.

--She loves changing clothes and still probably changes outfits multiple times each day. I find clothes all over the house.

She is so fun, even with her funny quirks that she is going through lately. She is loving her preschool and having fun with her new friends. We love this girl!

Much Needed!

2011-10-10T20:15:00.003-06:00

Ryan and I spent the weekend up at Snowbird. It was a much needed getaway, and we left the kids with Ryan's mom who graciously offered to watch them. It was heavenly, after the long couple of weeks we have had. We enjoyed a beautiful room at the Lodge with a balcony and a view of the mountain, dinner, yummy brunch, sleep, and piece and quiet. Thankfully the kids were good for Grandma and Grandpa. I have learned that having a newborn and sometimes special challenges with my kids makes it hard to really connect. So we were so thankful to have this weekend away to just be together. It had snowed the day before so it was beautiful with the snow on the fall leaves. Today we took the kids to see the witches at Gardner Village. Maren loved it, Kate loved being outside, and Eli slept in the baby backpack the whole time! Good times.
(On our balcony in our room.)
(The beautiful view from our room.)
Further up the canyon, so many pretty leaves.
The only witch Maren wasn't scared of!
Kate enjoying the fresh air.
Witch's nails!

Truthfully

2011-10-07T17:02:00.005-06:00

It has been a rough week for my beautiful baby girl. She has been very fussy, and has been vomiting constantly. When she is like this I find fear creeping in, and feel that helplessness that there is nothing I can do to help her. It hurts to see her in pain. It hurts worse during those times that nothing can console her. I took her to the doctor in a panic yesterday because she had vomited every single feeding for days straight. Sometimes I don't want to go there for fear of leaving without answers. They checked all the obvious signs, she didn't have strep, a UTI, or an ear infection. They advised me to follow up with Neurology at Primary Childrens to see about getting a new MRI to see if there are any brain changes going on, and to follow up with the GI doctors as well.

The only times I truly get angry about what my little one has to suffer is during those times. I wish she could tell me what hurts, and what I could do to make it better. Thankfully since her appointment yesterday she has kept things down better and seems to be a bit happier. Ryan took the day off today and spent the morning cuddling with her and I could hear her laughing at him and talking back to him in her own little way. I don't think there are any sounds that are sweeter than that.

We said goodbye to our Early Intervention Occupational therapist this week and will see her other therapists for the last time later this month. I can't believe Kate will be starting her preschool next month. I am so thrilled for her to have that experience and those opportunities. The doctor said we have to "get her all fine tuned" before she starts so she will be feeling well and enjoy the experience. We just continue to take things day by day and hope for good days with our sweet little one.

Fall Fun

2011-10-02T21:05:00.004-06:00

It officially feels like Fall, and we have been getting out to enjoy the crisp air and beautiful foilage. It is my favorite time of year by far. I had to share some pictures of some of our fall highlights and my favorite things about fall! Pumpkins popping up around the valley.
We aren't hunters but were given this cute outfit and he looks darling in it!
The Utah/Washington game, before it turned into a low-light!
Fall colors! Quaking aspens, the most beautiful trees there are.
Relaxing drives while listening to General Conference on the radio. Spooky yard decorations.

What I wish

2011-09-24T07:56:00.002-06:00

When Kate was about 6 months old, about two months after we initially learned of her challenges we would face, I remember taking her to an appointment at the Opthamology department at Primary Childrens Hospital. We were waiting in the waiting room to go back for our appointment. There was a family there, a Native American family that had driven about 5 hours up to the hospital for an appointment with their severely disabled daughter. She was probably about 8 years old, in a wheel chair, it appeared she was unable to communicate, had impacted vision, had her feeding tube pump hooked up, and seemed to be unable to move any of the parts of her body. I remember holding Kate and wondering about what our future would hold, would it be similar to this family? I saw all of the stares from others in the waiting room. As the room cleared out, and people were called back for their appointments, I heard the father mutter to his wife “They should just take a picture, it would last longer.” He was obviously upset by the stares and the whispers about his daughter.

Fast forward two and a half years later. As time has gone by and Kate has grown, it is now more evident than ever that something is different about her. Last night we went to dinner. We haven’t used Kate’s wheelchair much outside of church, since she still fits well in her umbrella stroller. We took her in the stroller. We looked almost comical, Ryan on his crutches, me struggling to push Kate, carry Eli in his car seat, and Maren struggling to get in the restaurant and sit down at a table. About halfway through dinner Kate started to fuss and Ryan had to get her out of the stroller and hold her while he ate. I couldn’t help but notice all of the stares from people in the diner, some of them curious, some of them sympathetic, some of them uncomfortable. It’s something I am used to now. It’s not uncommon to walk around with her in her wheelchair when we do use it and see people either avoid eye contact or trying to quiet their children who ask what’s wrong.

It doesn’t upset me like it did at first. If anything, it has made me more thankful for those who aren’t afraid of Kate. There are a few places that I feel very safe taking Kate. One is our ward. They are used to seeing Kate in her wheelchair and many of them come up and talk to her, touch her, get right down at her eye level and are very kind to her. Another is with our families. Kate’s cousins are used to her, they love her, they love to sit with her and make her smile. And the last place is probably at Primary Childrens. When you walk down the hall there, the doctors see her and they always smile and address her as we walk by.

It makes me thankful for acts of kindness. There is a sweet couple in our ward who have a granddaughter with disabilities like Kate’s. They always ask if they can walk her around the hall in her wheelchair when she gets fussy. Their faces light up when they see her. It’s not forced, it’s genuine love that they have for her. I appreciate that so much. It also makes me thankful for kind mothers who seem to know what to say when their kids ask what is wrong with Kate. We were at a party a few weeks ago and a friend told her daughter that Kate was extra special so her daughter knew to touch her and talk to her with extra kindness. I watched this little girl sit by Kate and stroke her hair and it just made my heart melt. This child could see the person that was inside of this little body.

What I wish is that others could all see in this precious child what we seen in her. There is this amazing little spirit trapped inside a body that won’t function. We get glimpses of this little personality every day. I have no doubt of the perfect little person that is in there. I have been thinking about what I wish could happen in our lives. I wish everyone felt comfortable enough to love Kate as much as we do. I wish everyone would feel okay touching her, talking to her, feeling her spirit. I wish people wouldn’t have pity on us, because we certainly don’t have pity for ourselves. We know we are the lucky one who gets this little perfect spirit in our home. I wish that all people could feel comfortable asking me questions instead of shying away or being uncomfortable. I know that is something that probably won’t happen all the time, but it’s my goal to help others recognize what a truly beautiful person my daughter is, inside and out. I like to sing the song “When you’re smiling the whole world smiles with you” to Kate because it’s true, when she smiles, I really think it makes people happy. She is such a blessing to us.

2 Month Stats

2011-09-18T16:28:00.003-06:00

How is it that my baby is already two months old? Time is flying by faster than we care for! He has now entered the very fun stage where he is awake more during the day, smiling lots, looking and batting at toys on his play mat, and just making the sweetest coos and sounds. I am absolutely loving being a new mommy again. I took him to his wellness visit this week and all is well. He is off the charts for his height at 26 inches long. He weighs 12.5 lbs and is in the 75th percentile.

I feel that I have been going through a bit of "post tramautic stress" as my dad likes to call it with Eli. I have been a paranoid mom like never before and have watched him carefully after our experience with our sweet little Kate. I was worried that his vision might be delayed but just in the past two weeks he is loving to look at everything in site. Last night during the Utah/BYU game he was lying on the couch and turning his head to see the TV. I think he will definately be a football fan. I was so grateful to hear the doctor say that he is perfectly healthy. Love him so much.

Our little cheerleader

2011-09-13T19:12:00.004-06:00

Our darling neighbor Emily is a cheerleader for the Utes. Her mom Kim is Maren's Sunbeam teacher and on weekends that she is home Emily helps in Maren's class. Emily adores Kim, Emily, and her sister Sarah. Tonight Emily came over with her cheer partner and showed Maren some cheers. Maren loved it and had a blast, even tried some tricks herself. I think we have a future cheerleader on our hands! Had to post some pictures in honor of the Utah/BYU game this weekend. Go Utes!

El Chubster

2011-09-11T17:35:00.004-06:00

Eli is two months old today. He is a healthy baby boy. It has been interesting having a baby boy when we are so used to girls. Everything is different, he is very chubby, he grunts, eats all the time, smiles the sweetest smiles, and pees all over me! (I'd heard about that last part and didn't realize how often it would happen!) He sleeps all night with the exception of waking up to be fed once or twice during the night. He has the sweetest, most mellow personality. He loves to be cuddled and held, he still has his sweet little newborn cry that is not too loud. I just adore this baby boy and am so thankful he's mine!

Just breathe...

2011-09-08T08:55:00.003-06:00

This has truly been one of those weeks where I am questioning my skills as a wife and mother. There has been so much going on that it has been hard to do it all. Ryan had surgery on his ankle on Tuesday and is in a cast and is incapacitated to the couch or bed and can't put weight on his leg. I have felt bad for him because I know how much he wants to help me with the kids but he can't for a while. So I have been running around like crazy, changing all the diapers, cooking, driving kids to and from the babysitter's house, feeding the kids, and working my full time job in the mean time. Kate has had a rough week where she has thrown up at all of her feedings. We finally received a pump that feeds her slowly throughought the night, so she gets the much needed calories she needs. This morning I went to check on her and realized the pump didn't work last night because I started it incorrectly. So then I felt guilty that she was probably hungry all night. She has also been fussy with her unexplained fussiness that she gets. Eli cried for several hours last night, which he never does. He must have had a stomach ache.

Sometimes I find myself snapping at Maren or getting frustrated with Ryan and the kids and then I feel bad about it. I know this is a normal thing for moms to do, and that we aren't perfect, but I have to remind myself to be more loving to my kids. I know I'm doing the best I can and Ryan will be up and at it soon. I just have to remind myself to breathe, get through day by day, and enjoy those few quiet moments in the day. And throughout it all, I need to count my blessings. So today, I am thankful for a few things: My tender, loving husband and the love he extends towards his children. Even while he wasn't feeling well, I found this scene yesterday. He had his cell phone up to Kate's ear playing soft music for her.
Thankful for this beautiful girl who had her first day of preschool today. Her smiles are the best!
I'm so thankful for Ryan and for all he does do. I tend to forget it sometimes, but now I'm reminded of how involved he is in our lives and what he does for us. I am also thankful he is healthy. I have the most respect for single mothers. I have no idea how they do it all and I am amazed by them.
Thankful for the beautiful first smiles that melt my heart and put my mind at ease.

And just like that...

2011-09-05T19:25:00.009-06:00

I don't know about everyone else, but it feels like the summer flew by. In a way, I feel like we didn't even get a summer because we had a baby and were cooped up inside for most of the summer. So I was thrilled to get to do a lot of summery things this weekend for Labor Day Weekend. Friday night we had a picnic up the canyon with our parents to celebrate Maren's birthday.
Our little buddy sporting his Utes attire.
The birthday girl.
We roasted marshmallows and had s'mores.
Saturday morning we woke up to a absolutely beautiful morning. This "Pepsi" hot air balloon was floating in the sky.
We headed to Midway for the Swiss Days Parade. Maren loved it, as always.
Ryan multi-tasked by pushing and carrying all three kids. Super dad!
After Swiss Days we headed up to the cabin at Bear Lake, where Maren had another birthday celebration.
The kids had a great time hanging out, playing, and watching cartoons.
Brother and sister cuddle time.
More s'mores.
The water at Bear Lake was so high this year that there were no beaches, so we went to another lake. It was beautiful. We hiked a short hike in and swam and hung out.
Daddy and Elijah.
Maren and CJ floating in the lake. The weekend was wonderful but exhausting. We have another big week ahead of us as Ryan is having minor surgery on his ankle tomorrow, and we have a few doctor and therapy appointments this week. But fall is in the air, I am excited and reeady now that we finally got to do some summer activities!

Happy Birthday, Maren!

2011-09-02T15:33:00.002-06:00

Dear Maren,

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl! Four years old, where has time gone? I still remember when we had you on Labor Day. What a gift you were and are to our family. You continue to entertain us, make us laugh, and inspire us. You are such a beautiful girl, inside and out. We love to watch you with your sister and brother and what a proud, good big sister you are. We love how you love to make Kate laugh and play with her and try to do anything to make her smile. We love how you love to hold Eli and feed him bottles and are so helpful with him. You are such a blessing to us.

I look forward to you starting preschool this year. You are a fast learner, have one amazing memory, and are so smart. I love that you can remember things that happened a year ago better than I can. I know you will enjoy school and be a good friend to others. You have a sweet, social personality that is infectious and I know you will continue to develop this as you grow. You have a wonderful sense of humor and make us laugh on a daily basis.

I hope you know how much Daddy and I love you. We often mention how thankful we are that we had you first. You are one of the biggest sources of sunshine in our family.

Happy Birthday!

Love, Mom

Blessing Day

2011-08-28T14:54:00.004-06:00

We blessed Eli today in our ward and it was such a wonderful day. Ryan gave Eli a beautiful blessing, it was so touching and we appreciated the support of our family driving all the way up for it. Afterwards we had lunch at the park by our house and spent time visiting. Many comments were made on how sweet Eli is and how we have added another little angel to our family. I am loving this baby boy, he is such a sweet little baby and we are having so much fun with him. He cracked his first smiles this last week and they were enough to melt my heart!

Eli's Newborn Photo Shoot

2011-08-23T07:16:00.003-06:00

My amazing friend Lisa is such a beautiful photographer, and she offered to do a newborn photo shoot for me when Eli was born. Her pictures are beautiful, brought tears to my eyes! I had to share some of our little man. You can see more of Lisa's amazing work on her blog, here! http://www.3peasphoto.blogspot.com/

Summer!

2011-08-16T09:46:00.003-06:00

Summer is flying by and we have not had time to sit down and take a breath. I started back at work already, so between that and everything going on we have been busy and will be for the rest of the summer. But we have been having fun too, some highlights:
Trying to get into some kind of regular nap schedule.
Hanging out with family at baby blessings and baptisms. Here is Eli with his two cousins Lola and Asa, all were born this summer!
Hanging out at the Wasatch County Fair parade.
Catching fish and feeding the ducks at Wasatch Mountain State Park!
Going for jeep rides with the top off.
Feeding baby brother! Maren is going to be a great big sister again!
Ryan volunteered at the tour of Utah.
Kate has been busy getting used to not being the baby any more. She loves Eli.

Special Needs Rodeo!

2011-08-05T12:32:00.006-06:00

The Wasatch County Fair is going on this week and we had the opportunity to go to the Special Needs Rodeo with our friends Ashley and Carly. Carly is Kate's friend who is a year younger but similar in many ways with her symptoms. They are friends and Kate lights up in joy whenever Carly is near. The Rodeo was a blast, we had such a good time. It was so thrilling to watch these special individuals enjoying activities that so many of us take for granted. The Rodeo planners made every effort for this to be an enjoyable event for all. Our girls were given little Rodeo queen crowns and they were so darling in their matching wheelchairs. I want to make this event an annual tradition.

Had to throw in this picture of this little love... what a charmer!

Heartwarming

2011-08-02T16:10:00.003-06:00

Maren has been showing so much more interest in Kate lately, it is so wonderful to see. Since I have been on maternity leave she has been playing with her, singing to her, and reading to her daily. It warms my heart to see Maren love her sister so sweetly. And Kate genuinely loves Maren, she smiles whenever she hears her voice and watches her play around her all day. They crack each other up with some of the sounds they make and it's like they have their own little inside jokes with each other in their special way. I'm so glad they have each other!

Glasses!

2011-07-21T14:40:00.004-06:00

Kate finally got her glasses! We had to have them custom made and fitted to her ears so that they will stay on her face but she seems to have adjusted to them already and they fit great! It will take some getting used to for us to see her with her glasses on! But she was smiling and looking around the whole way home and we can tell she can already see much better. The pediatric specialist we worked with told me about so many other special needs children that she has worked with who have had improved function once they have been able to see better. So we hope this is a step in the right direction!

Settling In

2011-07-15T12:04:00.007-06:00

We are home from the hospital and have been settling in and the last two days have been wonderful with our little guy. It seems like he was meant to be here all along. I was worried about it being dramatic adding another little one to our family life but so far all is well and I spend every minute of every day loving this sweet little boy. The birth, hospital stay, and whole experience has been lovely and I will not forget it.
We arrived at the hospital on Monday for our scheduled induction and arrived bright and early at the Park City Medical Center by 6 am. As we got out of the car, we noticed another couple arriving at the same time and it appeared she was in labor. We went upstairs and there was only one labor and delivery room available, and they told us to go ahead and go in. However, a few minutes later, the nurse came and told us we would have to wait a few hours as the other woman was already in labor. So I spent the morning waiting for about 7 hours in a normal hospital room for another room in Labor and Delivery to become available. It wasn't ideal and I was nervous, but I understood the situation. However, I was admitted at 2 pm, water broken about 2:30, and contractions started immediately. I got my epidural by 3, pictocin started right after, and then proceeded to have my quickest labor ever! I was fully dilated to 10 cm by 7 pm and the baby came out after only two contractions. It was fairly painless and easy and wonderful, especially compared to my other labors with the girls. Eli was posterior at birth but didn't look bruised up like the girls had. He was sweet and content from the very beginning.
My parents came to visit Tuesday morning, they were wonderful and watched the girls with us and I felt assured knowing they were in the best possible hands.

Dad and Eli. It's grandchild #10 for them!
Eli under the billi lights as he has a little bit of jaundice.
I was thrilled when my parents brought the girls to meet their little brother. It made me so emotional to see them all together. Maren is adjusting to having a little brother and loves him.
Ryan could not be a prouder daddy and is so in love with his son. At the same time, he has said it makes him love his girls even more. He has been home from work and has been so helpful and I'm so thankful for him.

When we arrived home from the hospital our house was spotless. Several neighbors and women from the ward had come on Monday while I was in labor and did a very deep and thorough clean, it was beautiful and I was so thankful. We have been spoiled with yummy meals, neighbors taking the girls for play dates so we can have time to rest, and lots of love. My heart is so full and I'm so thankful for this precious new addition to our family.

Introducing Eli

2011-07-12T08:01:00.005-06:00

Elijah Ryan Hoffman

Born 7/11/11 at 7:37 PM

8 Lbs 13 Oz

20 inches long

He is big and healthy and precious! We are smitten already

Birth story, and more photos to come!

My Little Cover Girl

2011-07-07T11:27:00.003-06:00

Maren was placed on the cover of this month's Utah Family Magazine, I think it's pretty cute but maybe I am just partial?

July 4th weekend

2011-07-05T21:52:00.003-06:00

We had a wonderful holiday weekend with a lot of time spent with family! It was jam packed, with two weddings, a birthday party, a golf tournament, dinner with friends, a scenic mountain drive, a bbq, and we topped it off last night with s'mores in our backyard and a beautiful panoramic view of the fireworks all over the Heber Valley. I am amazed I survived without going into labor as I was exhausted beyond belief. But we really enjoyed our time together with family and friends! Pardon the dark quality of these pictures as I forgot the camera and took all of these with my phone.

The Final Countdown

2011-06-25T08:12:00.004-06:00

The final countdown has begun. I visited my doctor this past week and we discussed the possibility of the baby being born in just over two weeks. I am not sure how I always manage to find doctors who go out of town the week I am due. But we may possibly do an induction if I haven't gone into labor on my own and it feels so real now. My sweet neighbors held a neighborhood shower for me last week, it was so fun, and I was honestly touched by how many of my neighbors showed up to support us. I love where I live and the amazing people here.
This little girl could not be more excited to meet her little brother. She talks about him constantly and can't wait to hold him and feed him a bottle.

I have suffered a lot from pregnancy insomnia and somehow my body has a natural alarm clock of 4 am. Last week I actually just got up and decided to get my day started. I was treated to this beautiful full moon over Mt. Timpanogoas, you can't see it well in this picture here, but it was stunning. I even made a trip to the grocery store at 4:30 am and was one of the few people shopping at that time of day. At least I didn't have to pack the kids up and take them with me!

An Ongoing Battle

2011-06-21T15:50:00.002-06:00

Sometimes it seems that just when things are running smoothly and all is well, complications get thrown into the mix. I have realized that it's just adversity and that it is a growing experience, but sometimes I question the timing of it all. The past few weeks Kate has been extremely fussy, crying and wants to be held like a newborn baby quite frequently. I was a bit concerned about this as we are now expecting this baby in less than a month and I know that I am not going to miraculously grow another set of arms to take care of two babies at the same time. This week has been better sometimes and difficult sometimes with her. To me, it seems that her brain is healing a bit and she is realizing that she is trapped in this little body that just doesn't function. That makes me sad. Yesterday, her nurse came to weigh her in and immediatly panicked. She then proceeded to make me panic. She said that Kate is not gaining weight enough and we need to do something about it. We have had an ongoing battle with getting her to keep food down since she got her feeding tube. She still throws up on and off on a regular basis and is getting less than she needs to grow. The nurse told me this and I then had a really rough day yesterday, where Kate was having multiple little seizures and cried for probably three hours yesterday.

Today, I got a call from my pediatrican who was alerted of the situation by Kate's nurse. She said that she was a bit concerned and that technically Kate is in failure to thrive. I discussed some of the issues we are having with our insurance company being difficult, and she said that she personally is going to contact them and fight to get a pump for Kate covered by the insurance that we can hook up at night and give her continual feedings through the night at a much slower pace so she can get the food and calories that she needs. I was so touched by this and admire her so much for caring enough about her patients to do this.

I hadn't been too concerned about the lack of weight gain as to be honest, I haven't seen the advantages of having a heavy child who is completely immobile. But I appreciate their efforts and trust their opinions of the problem. I had a tough day yesterday but as I was preparing for the relief society lesson I will be teaching this Sunday I am constantly reminded that we're not alone in the challenges we face and that all happens for a reason. I have felt so blessed lately by the loving, caring acts of others and those who love and support us. And I'm amazed that somehow I have been able to get done what I need to get done in the limited time that I have to do it.

Nothing better

2011-06-12T07:59:00.005-06:00

There is really nothing more that I love than spending time with my little family. During the winter Ryan is gone a lot for various things but during the summer he is home all the time and we constantly try to do something fun, whether that's staying home and doing something or going out. It doesn't matter what it is to me, I just love it. This past couple of weekends we have been trying to hurry and do things to get ready for the baby to come. We got Maren all set up in a big girl bed and she is loving it. We snuck in lunch at the Mayan yesterday, Maren had a blast watching the divers. We have been busy working with Kate on her therapy. She is doing great standing and putting weight on her legs with the help of Ryan's consistant work and her stander the therapists gave her. We are working on getting her glasses still and trying to find the right pair for her. Life is busy as I head into this final month of pregnancy but all is well and we are just loving our time together as a family and the start of summer. (The last picture is this morning watching a hot air balloon landing across the street from our house.)

This last little You Tube video shows Kate working with her vision therapist while standing in her stander. She is making amazing strides with her vision and it seems to improve every day.

Yikes!

2011-06-07T21:15:00.004-06:00

Ryan was going through one of of his boxes of personal stuff and we found this picture... We went to Vegas when we were dating and went to one of those picture booths that takes pictures of you and blends them together to see what your kids would look like. All I can say is I really hope our boy doesn't look like this... I was laughing my head off!

Showered with love

2011-06-05T07:18:00.003-06:00

My sweet friend Jeanie hosted a darling baby shower for me yesterday, and it was so much fun! I had a blast! I have a hard time being the center of attention sometimes and I felt guilty knowing I had been spoiled so much before with my girls, but it was so much fun to spend time with some of my friends and family and co-workers. I didn't end up getting more pictures and I'm sad about that. I can't stop looking through the precious little baby boy things and it makes me so excited to meet our little guy in hopefully under 6 weeks! All is going well with the pregnancy, he has to be one of the most photographed babies to date as we have another ultrasound tomorrow to make sure things are continuing to develop normally. He keeps me up at night with his kicking and rolling and I just am so excited to join him to our family soon!

Transition Meeting

2011-05-29T07:36:00.004-06:00

On Friday, Ry, Kate and I met with the teachers at our local elementary school to discuss Kate's transition into their special needs preschool that will take place this November after Kate turns 3. It was a great experience and made us so excited fro Kate's upcoming experienecs. They had all their therapists and teachers there, as well as several of the folks from Early Intervention that we have worked with. Kate will get to go 4 days a week for 2 1/2 hours a day, the bus will come pick her up at our house and then drop her off after. She will get to play with several other kids with all different kinds of developmental delays and will be a part of their group.

We were both a bit overwhelmed but emotional about the support that we will receive. If there is anything that I have felt a bit guilty of is that sometimes as a working mom I don't feel like I do enough for her. so it will be wonderful to have others focus on her and work with her during that time she is there. I wish it could start now and we didn't have to wait until November! They all loved Kate and ate her right up, she will love it.

Hot Date

2011-05-26T16:31:00.003-06:00

(2002, pre hair loss, stretch marks, baby weight, and life's experiences!)

I sent Ryan a desperate email today that said "I had to put a pullup on Kate! We are out of diapers!" To this email he responded "Hot date tonight to Costco?"

For some reason this made me laugh.. and realize what our lives have come to that a hot date is a trip to Costco. Last Friday it consisted of shopping for a new car seat and shopping for a big girl bed for Maren. Ryan and I dated for two and a half years before we got married and were childless for two years after we were married, and our lives were so different, trips once a month, movies once every couple of weeks, concerts, hikes, classes together, you name it. I know it's the same for everyone but we just laugh at how much things have changed. It has changed for the better, definately, but sometimes I miss those days when we would just up and drive somewhere for the weekend. I said to him last night "Let's go to Moab this weekend" just to realize what really would be involved with that.. and we quickly changed our mind.

I love our lives and wouldn't change them for the world. But sometimes it's fun to dream about the days gone by when the idea of a trip to Costco was just a mundane Saturday task...

Progress is progress!

2011-05-17T19:31:00.003-06:00

Ryan and I have learned with our little Kate that any good news and progress is just that... progress.. and we have to celebrate it, even if it's baby steps compared to other children. Ryan went with Kate to an appointment with her opthamologist today. I was, frankly, a bit burned out on appointments and I was convinced the doctor was just going to tell us the same thing as always, which was to continue with vision therapy and that she still was about the same. However, today he was very encouraged by the progress her vision has made. It has been over a year and a half since we have seen him, and her vision has made great strides since then. Basicly, the "vision" part of her brain is healing and new connections are being made, and she is showing excellent signs of progress. He even examined her eyes and wrote a prescription for some little glasses for her. This is HUGE to us. It doesn't promise functional vision but it means that there is enough improvement that glasses could actually help her see better and continue to improve. And improved vision could eventually help with somewhat improved function.

I can't express how much this means to me. There was a time I thought Kate was completely blind and I missed her being able to see me and recognize me. Lately, she has looked right at me and given me beautiful smiles and I know she can see me and recognize me. And that is a wonderful thing. Can’t wait to see her with her little specs on !!

Champ

2011-05-13T17:13:00.003-06:00

Have I mentioned what a champ this little girl is? I know I have, many times, but she never ceases to amaze me. We went today to have some more Botox injections and the doctors also used a drug called Phenol, which is a stronger, more powerful drug that is put into larger muscle groups and is effective in relaxing those muscles. I have been dreading this appointment for a while as I have heard that Phenol is very painful and I know Kate has a low pain tolerance level. However, she had the procedure done and has been a champ all day today. She has been happy and recovering well.

I was waiting at the pharmacy at Primary Childrens and a young mom was watching Kate with a concerned look on her face. She finally just said to me "Seeing her just breaks my heart." I spent some time trying to figure out what she meant... but I finally just said "It shouldn't, she's pretty amazing." Because every day that's how I feel about this amazing little girl! Comments like that don't affect me much any more, they just create a re-affirmation of how blessed we are to have this special child in our lives!

Joys of being a mom

2011-05-06T13:58:00.002-06:00

It feels truly odd to me that I have only been a mom for just under 4 years. It feels like I have been a mom for a lifetime already, with some of the experiences we have been through. But I realized that there’s no better calling in life than being a mom. I have been blessed with a an angel for a mother who has taught me so much about life. And there are many other things I have learned in my short time as a mother. Here’s a few of them:

• Being a mother makes you realize what truly is important. For me, it’s not promotions, recognition, or popularity. Because I know that I am special to these little souls who depend on me so much.
• I never really knew compassion or patience until I watched a child throw up on me multiple times a day, suffer through my child having seizures, cry for hours on end, or get hurt. Compassion has come on in a whole new level now.
• I never knew how much love was possible in my heart.
• Being a mother makes you forget about yourself. “Me” time becomes scarce and even more appreciated, but together time with my girls is precious.
• I never really knew how much my mother did for me. I can never ever repay her.
• I never understood how important it was to hear “I love you Mommy”. Every time Maren says it my heart melts. And every time Kate gives me one of her beautiful smiles, I know that is her way of telling me.
• I never hurt more for friends who have suffered through infertility or the desire to be a mom. And I have never been more thrilled for those who have finally been given the opportunity after struggling to get it.
• My girls (and boy to be) have taught me how sacred the experience is of bearing children. It has put morality and chastity on a whole new higher level for me and made me realize how truly important it is. Because to bear human life is one of the biggest responsibilities out there that should never be taken lightly.
• I never knew what it was like before to spend hours on my knees in prayer over the health, comfort, and well being of my children.

I realize this post may be sappy, but I’m just so grateful to be a mom and to influence the lives of these little ones who have been placed in my care. Happy Mothers Day to all women on this special weekend!

A Beautiful Mind

2011-05-03T19:13:00.003-06:00

I had a detailed ultrasound with the high risk doctors today to look at our baby boy. It was a bit anxious for me to make sure that everything was still going well. Thankfully, the doctors told me that he looks perfectly normal, including a normal, beautiful brain. The question of whether Kate has a genetic disorder of some kind has weighed a bit on my mind during this pregnancy. So far things are perfect, baby is measuring right on and is the picture of health. Maren and Kate came to the ultrasound with me and Maren was so thrilled to see her baby brother on the "TV". Love this picture of his little face, I think he looks like his daddy.

May 1st!

2011-05-01T07:58:00.002-06:00

It's May 1st... where has this year gone? I woke up this morning with the realization that in just two months we will be having our little boy. I was filled with excitement and fear at the same time. Most days I'm sure we will be able to adjust to being parents of three and handle it well. But yesterday Kate had a bad day and cried for a couple of hours and nothing we could do would comfort her. On days like that, I'm scared at the possibility of what things could be like when we are dealing with those days and have a newborn baby as well. I am sure we will figure it out, and I'm so excited to add this little guy to the mix. We get another glimpse of him this week at another ultrasound with the high risk doctors to make sure that all is well, I'm excited for that!

My friend gave me an article from a magazine the other day that I loved and has been in my mind ever since. "Life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful!" I think that's so true. I am so in love with my sweet little family and can't wait to watch it grow! We may be far from perfect but we have such a wonderful, sweet love for each other. Lately Kate has been very responsive, very alert. All it takes is for Ryan or I to say something to her and she bursts into a huge smile or starts laughing. And she spends a couple of quality hours with Maren each afternoon and I realized she loves her sister, she watches her and tries to talk to her. I can only imagine how having another baby to love will help Kate and all of us even more. So excited!

Easter

2011-04-25T08:17:00.004-06:00

Another Easter has come and gone. The weekend passed in a blur while making special memories. My girls were able to participate in three hunts! We spent Saturday morning at the HOA egg hunt with the neighbors, then Saturday afternoon at the Hoffman Family egg hunt with aunts, uncles, cousins, and Grandpa and Grandma Hoffman. Sunday Morning the girls woke to their own visit from the Easter bunny, and Sunday evening we went to dinner at Grandma and Grandpa Karrens. I love Easter and all that it symbolizes. A most special and touching experience happened during church. The Primary children got up to sing on the pulpit and Maren joined them for the first time. As soon as those chldren started singing, Kate started singing along... loudly in her own special way. She does that often when she hears music, but not as loudly as she did when the children sang. I couldn't hide my emotions and afterwards many ward members came up and told me how beautiful she sounded. So thankful for Easter, the life and resurrection of the Savior, and the knowledge that we too will all be resurrected.

Amazing!

2011-04-17T07:20:00.003-06:00

We were able to attend an event yesterday that was an Easter Egg hunt for blind and visually impaired children. It was honestly one of the most fun and inspiring events I have been to in a long time. So glad we went!
They had provided large eggs that were beeping so that the children could find them. It was amazing they had this technology to do that.
The Easter bunny was there to entertain the kids.
There were some amazing people that we met wtih amazing stories, who were assisted by service animals, canes, and family members. It was so thrilling to watch these people have the chance to do things that any other child could do. One young man was quick to come introduce himself to us. He has been blind since birth yet has prosthetic eyes for cosmetic purposes only. He is so inspiring, smart, and friendly and just loved Kate in her wheelchair. Very cool experience that made my whole weekend!
Afterwards we went to Grandma Joy's and Grandpa Steve's to dye eggs and have an egg hunt!
Kate and cute cousin baby Emerson!
It was the perfect spring day in every way! Ryan topped it off by taking me to dinner and a movie for my birthday.

26 weeks

2011-04-13T07:02:00.003-06:00

I'm now 26 weeks pregnant. I had my OB appointment on Monday to take the gestational diabetes test, and so far all is well. I don't know if it's because I'm older, but I feel like it's the 3rd trimester already! My hips and back are achy and I'm extra tired. This is about the time that things started to get a little hairy in my other pregnancies, so the doctors are keeping a close eye on me and the baby. So far my blood pressure has been good. I am going to another ultrasound in the next two weeks where they will look closely at the baby's brain just in case whatever happened to Kate is genetic. But I have been feeling at peace and good about things. I have just been trying to keep my stress level down. The hardest thing is not being able to pick my up girls and carry them around, especially Kate. It is a struggle to have a child who is completely immobile when you're big and pregnant, just because of the strain of carrying them! The wheelchair could not have come at a better time for us.

Mostly we are just excited to meet our new little boy in about 90 days! I have been extra emotional lately (when am I not?) and am just touched and inspired by simple things on a daily basis... love those pregnancy hormones.

Check out the awesome bear my parents got for the baby. They know Ryan is a huge Chicago Bears fan and the baby probably will be too!

Happy Birthday Ryan!

2011-04-10T07:28:00.002-06:00

(Normandy, France, July 2004)

My hubby Ryan's birthday is today! We celebrated last night by going out to dinner at Tucanos. It was a great day after having the opportunity to attend two baptisms. I'm so thankful for Ryan. I hope he enjoys this last year of being in his 30's!!

Moab Spring '11

2011-04-03T17:13:00.004-06:00

We spent the weekend in Moab, where we enjoyed some time hiking in Arches, spending time with our friends the Stone family, roasting marshmallows, and relaxing. It was a lot of fun. It was the first time we took both of our girls with us, and I thought it would be hard but the girls did so well sleeping in the hotel at night and on the car rides. It was interesting a bit in Arches as they don't have a lot of trails that accomodate a wheelchair or stroller, so Kate got carried a lot. The weather was perfect on Saturday. I didn't want to come home but it was nice to take a break and re-charge.

Intimidated

2011-03-27T16:00:00.003-06:00

I got a calling (my second one in this ward) today that has to be one of the ones that I fear the most... Relief Society teacher. For those not familiar with the church it is teaching lessons for the women of our "ward", or group of women who come to our church. I'll admit, I'm shaking in my boots a bit... I feel so inferior. What do I have to teach these amazing women who are all so much more experienced, wise, and spiritually knowledgable than I am? I was shocked they chose me with seeing how chaotic it can be for me at church, but I guess someone up there has faith that I can do it. Wish me luck.. I would love advice from anyone who has had this calling before!

Beautiful Kate

2011-03-22T13:47:00.005-06:00

I may be partial, but I think this is one of the loveliest little girls out there...

Eternal perspective

2011-03-17T20:06:00.001-06:00

My heart has been heavy this week as I have been thinking about many loved ones and friends who are going through trials that are heavier than I can imagine carrying. It seems as though there is a lot of struggles that people are enduring and I am reminded that as tough as life can seem there is always someone who has it worse. Our sweet brother in law Jaime met with his oncologist this week and was given news that was heartbreaking regarding his brain cancer. He was told that he has Glioblastoma, the worst possible brain cancer there is, and that it is grade 4. He faces a very uphill battle and has the possibility of having to be on chemotherapy for the rest of his life. The news has been heart wrenching for our family and we are trying to come to terms with it, and be there for Jaime and his sweet wife, Amy. We don’t know what lies ahead in the next few months and years but know we will be there for Jaime and Amy in any way we can.

I try to stay positive on a regular basis and be thankful for growth that we experience from trials. It is hard at times to do so. But I’m so thankful for the reminder that God won’t give us more than we can handle. It has been two years ago this month that we learned about our sweet baby Kate. I sometimes read back to my blog when we first went through the process of getting Kate’s MRI and the life changing things that we were told. I can’t read it without crying but at the same time I am so incredibly thankful for how much we have changed and grown in the past two years. This sweet angel daughter of mine brings me more joy on a daily basis than I knew she could, even though she is so different from others. Maren, Kate, and this new little baby that is kicking me now on a daily basis are such a blessing to me.

I again am reminded of how thankful I am for faith in an eternal perspective. We never know what may happen tomorrow, but I know that it will all be all right because God has a plan for all of us. So glad for that knowledge.

Jazz!

2011-03-15T07:50:00.004-06:00

We took Maren to the Jazz game last night. My friend Maggie gave us her great lower bowl seats, and we had a blast! Maren has been attending a few Jazz games with Ryan and loves them, but loved being so close to the floor and all the pizza, treats, and attention. Katers had a night out with Grandma Joy and Grandpa Steve. We think we haev a future Jazz dancer on our hands!

Music Lover

2011-03-09T10:55:00.003-07:00

Our little Kate is such a music lover, we listen to it all day long and she is a different girl when she hears music. She seems to love all styles, my dad has found she has a fondness for French music! I got this little video not too long ago of her being thrilled by the "Inception" soundtrack. I love to watch her take joys in such simple things!

Update

2011-03-03T16:41:00.003-07:00

I wanted to provide an update on Jaime, especially for those family members who are not close by to get the news on what is going on. Jaime had his tumor removed today. It was very large in the frontal lobe of his brain. The doctors were able to determine that it was malignant, unfortunately. But they were optimistic that they got all of the tumor. He will be in the hospital until Sunday and will then get another MRI next week and determine the treatment options, which it looks like will be both chemo and radiation. It sounds like this is treatable, which we are thankful for.

We were able to visit with Amy and Jaime at the hospital last night, and they were amazing. Jaime was his funny, lovable self and Amy was a pillar of strength. I don't know that I would be that way.

We love them and just know that Jaime will fight through this and make it through stronger and even better than before. It is WAY too close to home after what happened with Jake last year. Thanks to those who have prayed for Jaime and Amy, we greatly appreciate it.

Prayers please!

2011-03-01T11:11:00.003-07:00

We have had another tough situation happen in our family and I am again asking for prayers from anyone who may be able. My wonderful brother in law Jaime has been diagnosed with a large brain tumor that will have to be surgically removed this week. The doctor is not stating whether it is malignant or not so Jaime and Amy are left in limbo until they find out for sure, but he will have major surgery on Thursday morning to remove the tumor then the doctors will go from there. Jamie is young, healthy, and wonderful and such an amazing guy! Please pray for him to feel less pain and be cancer free, and for the doctors to be able to do the right things for him! Ryan and I feel good that the outcome will be good. We love you Jaime and Amy!!

It's a Boy!

2011-02-25T14:09:00.002-07:00

We had our 20 week ultrasound today and confirmed that we are having a baby boy. He looks great so far. I had a bit of anxiety leading into the appointment and I asked them to look carefully at the baby's brain. They told me that his brain looked "beautiful". Couldn't help shedding a few tears of relief right there during the ultrasound. We are so excited. I know this little guy will be a dear friend to both Maren and Kate.

The name I am leaning on is Elijah Ryan Hoffman and calling him "Eli" for short. Ryan seems to have it in mind that the name"Floyd" would be a good option... no offense to any Floyds out there but I'm not loving it! So excited to meet our little guy!

Wheels!

2011-02-23T19:36:00.001-07:00

Our little Kate got her new wheels today! She is adorable in it. It will take some time for her to get used to it. Ryan loves that it is yellow, the color of the Yellow Jersey and Livestrong. I think we will call it Bumblebee because it does look like the Transformer! Can't wait to cruise in it.

One Year

2011-02-23T08:05:00.004-07:00

It's an emotional morning at our house. Today is the first anniversary of Jake's death. It's especially hard for Ryan who misses his brother every day. We miss his laugh, sense of humor, caring personality, watching him be one of the best fathers I know. We just miss him. Our prayers today are with his wife and family. This picture was of Jake and Cole at our park by our house on Maren's first birthday. I am comforted knowing that we will see Jake again but it seems like such a long wait. Sure could use one of his encouraging phone calls or one of his funny jokes! We love you Jake!

Island Park

2011-02-21T18:45:00.004-07:00

This weekend we went with my dad up to Island Park. We went last year for Presidents Day weekend and it was so beautiful and peaceful that we had to do it again. It was just what the doctor ordered. My mom was going to join us this time but my poor sister had an emergency apendix removal on Saturday so Mom stuck around to help. We missed her but were so glad she was there for Kim. We went to dinner on Saturday night at Ponds Lodge, it was great!
Maren was thrilled to get so much attention from Pa.
Is there a cuter grandpa than my dad? I don't think so. He spent hours at the cabin playing, cuddling, and reading to Maren.
Sunday Ryan and Dad rode snowmobiles up to my dad's property in Island Park where he is going to build his cabin. Winter wonderland...
The view from Dad's property. Can't wait for his cabin to be built!
We stayed at this cute little cabin at Ponds Lodge. On Sunday while Ryan and Dad were gone, the girls and I stayed at the cabin. It had big windows and I just sat and watched the snow fall on the river outside. It was heavenly and so peaceful.
This sweet girl had a wonderful weekend. After how sick she was last week I took her to the doctor for a second time in a week who made some suggestions on how to deal with the nausea. I'll spare the graphic details, but to sum it up, Kate only threw up once over the full three day weekend. That was the first day that she hadn't thrown up at least once in over a month. It was wonderful. She was happy and feeling well. She even did great on the five hour car ride! I'm so thankful to my parents for taking us on this trip and giving me a much needed breather and a break. We think we need to make it an annual tradition!

One of those weeks

2011-02-17T19:21:00.005-07:00

It has been one of those weeks. Most of the time I feel so positive about everything and I feel like I can handle the hurdles of life very well. And then there are weeks like this past week, where I just feel like crying in frustration. I have been sick, and it has just seemed like the sickness is refusing to go away. I went to the doctor last week who diagnosed me with both a Sinus Infection and and Bronchitis. The case was too mild in his opinion to put me on an antibiotic due to the pregnancy. So I have just had to suffer it out, which has been hard. Some symptoms are starting to feel better, others have not.

To make matters worse, Kate has been sick. We have struggled a bit with vomiting since she got her feeding tube. But in the past two weeks she has been vomiting 2, 3 sometimes 4 times a day. She has lost a pound of the two pounds she gained since the surgery. The doctors have told us to slow the feedings down, which we have tried, but which doesnt seem to be making a big difference. We wondered if it was an intolerance to the formula but we have tried others and are having the same problem. The doctor checked her last week for Strep or an ear infection but he basicly ruled that she just had a cold. He thinks the mucous from her cold is getting into her stomach and making her nauseated. She has reverted a bit back to those rough days from the first year of her life where she cries sometimes for an hour or two on end. Poor baby doesn't feel good and there isn't much I can do to help her.

Also, Ryan has been gone a lot for other commitments and then just yesterday my modem on my computer fried, so I had to spend hours on the phone with the internet company who is based out of India trying to get answers. I missed half a day's work today and took a sick day yesterday because I was feeling so horrible.

I have been at times wanting to just scream in frustration. But today something happened that majorly lifted my spirits. I got a call from a sweet friend in the ward. She has her own special needs child with Down Syndrome and she knows the challenges of raising one of these special children. She asked if she could bring her cub scout troop over and clean the house. I was quick to accept. These amazing, smart, sweet little boys cleaned my house to a state that it hasn't been probably since we moved in. I was so very thankful to them, and to my friend Jenn for her help. Sometimes its hard to accept help but I have learned to do that and hope that there will be a time that I will have enough free time to return the favor to someone else who needs it.

Bowl-a-thon!

2011-02-12T21:22:00.004-07:00

We've been sick this week at our house and tonight we needed to get out and get some fresh air. So we headed to the local bowling alley and played a game. Maren was having so much fun, she loved bowling and was actually quite good at it! She beat her momma...yeah... that's how good I am at bowling. Poor Kate was miserable and lost her lunch at the alley in front of everyone there, but she was so sweet and I'm sure she enjoyed getting out of the house too!

A night out for a wonderful cause:

2011-02-09T11:23:00.005-07:00

Many of you are probably aware of my sweet friend Molly Jackson, who lost her daughter Lucy to a tragic accident and is actually making a difference from her experience, through her site A Good Grief. Her site takes donations and provides headstones to families who are struggling financially and have lost their children.. Molly is organizing this benefit concert on March 17th to support her wonderful cause. I think this is amazing and would be such a neat experience. I am putting the word out!

Weekend Bliss

2011-02-06T22:10:00.004-07:00

If I had to describe our anniversary weekend I would have to describe it as heavenly. I am so sad tonight that it is over. Friday night we headed to Park City and went to dinner on Main Street.
The Pad Ga Prow at Bangkok Thai... I could eat this every day of my life and never be sick of it.
Afterwards we headed to the condo that we stayed in, it was beautiful, huge and so nice.
I spent a lot of time soaking in the tub while Ryan went out to the hot tub on the deck of the condo. Heaven. Just spent an hour there reading a book.
The view from the deck of the condo.
We drove by our condo where we started it all with our marriage. This condo in Park City was where we spent the first two years of our marriage. We have so many wonderful memories of those days and miss them!
Saturday night we went to dinner and a movie before we picked up our girls. We were so thankful to Ryan's brother Nate and his wonderful wife Liz for watching the girls overnight on Friday and for my parents for watching them all day Saturday.

Today was a lot of fun too as we attended our niece Kaylee's baby blessing. I had to share this cute picture of Maren and her cousin Sarah. Tonight we watched the Super Bowl at Jenny and Doug's house and my Packers won!! Way to go boys. Wish the weekend could go on and on...

6 Years

2011-02-03T07:28:00.003-07:00

We're celebrating our 6th wedding anniversary this weekend. Can't believe it has been six years we've been married, and 9 this year that we have been together. The past six years have been wonderful, challenging, and such a blessing. We have both grown up a lot and have supported each other through some great times and some really hard times. I'm so thankful for Ryan, he makes me a better person! Ryan's extremely generous customer offered to let us stay at his Park City condo on Main Street so we will get some wonderful time together. Looking forward to it!

Short Hair

2011-01-31T11:59:00.002-07:00

Poor Kate is always having to deal with me pulling the brush through her hair because she spends so much time on her back. So we cut it short to see how she does with it. I think it ended up cute!

Gymnastics

2011-01-29T08:26:00.004-07:00

We went last night to the University of Utah gymnastics meet with our friends the Hamiltons. It was a lot of fun, Maren had a good time playing with McKinley and Ireland! We got a sitter for Katers.
I can't believe how popular the meets have gotten. When I was young I remember only part of the lower bowl being filled, but it was filled through last night!

This video below of the girls dancing kills me.. future gymnasts perhaps?

Thanks for coming with us Jason and Heidi, we had a blast!

Wheelchair Eval

2011-01-25T16:36:00.002-07:00

We took Kate today to Shriner's to have her measured and fitted for her new wheelchair. We have been waiting for this appointment for six months and it was worth the wait, the guys who were helping us out were so knowledgable and so kind and patient! They measured Kate in their wheelchair equipment and she got to spend some time trying it out, and she loved it! She seemed to love being upright and able to see the world.

I can't express what a blessing Shriners is in this category. A new wheelchair would cost us between eight and ten thousand dollars, and they are going to rebuild a used one so that we have to pay nothing, and they don't bill our insurance. What an amazing gift to us. Kate's wheelchair will be ready by the end of February!

I can't wait for Kate to be able to wheel around the town in her new wheelchair! I'm starting to show with my pregnancy and it won't be long before it will be difficult to carry around a 20 lb child. This will be such a blessing for going out, going to church, and going around the neighborhood. And Kate will be the cutest thing ever when we wheel her around in her new wheels!

Pirate Island

2011-01-23T08:15:00.002-07:00

We have been wanting to get out and do fun things together as a family but the options are limited in our home town in the winter time. So last night we found a Happenings coupon and packed the girls up in the car and headed down to Provo and went to Pirate Island. We had a great time.
Maren was a little scared of all the pirates and skeleton decor. Ryan and I were getting a kick out of our waiter and his "Aye Maytee" persona.
Maren warmed up to it though and had a lot of fun.
Ryan was like a kid in the candy store in the arcade. I think he was more excited that Maren was!
He was very competitive and did everything he could to help Maren win tons of tickets. You should have seen them later cashing in their tickets. They got a huge stack of loot. We had fun and it brought back nostalgic memories from our childhood!

Firsts for Maren

2011-01-16T08:37:00.004-07:00

It has been a month of firsts for Maren so far. I can't believe my little girl has grown up so much! Last week she started her Sunbeam class for the first time. It was interesting dropping her off at Sharing Time because she does not usually have seperation anxiety, but she just wanted to go to the Nursery and play with the "princess shoes". She cried and wouldn't let me leave until Sharing Time was almost over. But I peaked in on her in her class later and she was having a blast, and all week she has been asking if she could go again to her "new class".

Also, a switch went off some time in the past week and she has fully potty trained herself. It's wonderful! We waited late to start working with her but I kept being told by other moms to wait until she was ready, and apparanty she was now ready because in just a couple of days she is now going to the big girl toilet all the time. It makes my life so much easier because I wouldn't want to have three kids in diapers!

I just love Maren, she is so much fun and brings so much joy to our family! For those that asked, yes, I cut her hair about a month ago. I meant to cut an inch or two and ended up cutting 5 or 6, much to the disdain of Ryan. But after we took her to the salon and got it evened out, I think it's cute on her!

A cute profile

2011-01-07T15:44:00.004-07:00

We had our ultrasound today with the high risk doctors. According to them, all looks great so far. I'm 13 and a half weeks along, and the baby shows no signs of anything abnormal at this point. That is a relief for me. They will continue to monitor everything. We met with the genetics doctor who is going to possibly recommend extra ultrasounds of the baby's brain as well as a possible pre-natal MRI at one point. It's hard to totally put aside the worries and fears as we really don't know what happened to Kate in utero, but we trust that we have great doctors who will be all over the situation if anything arises. The doctors had an idea of what the gender was, but it's way too early to tell and were not confident so we will have to wait until our 20 week ultrasound to find out for sure. Love this little one already!

Feeling Frumpy

2011-01-04T16:03:00.003-07:00

I am entering a stage of pregnancy that is a little hard for me, the part where I feel hideously unattractive. There are different types of pregnant women in this world... those who are tiny and have little volleyballs in their tummy (it seems that all my family, friends, and neighbors are this way) and those that are...not. I fall into the "not" category. I am starting to show but it's not so obvious yet that I'm pregnant, so really I just look like I'm gaining weight. For those who don't know, I was able to lose 40 lbs in 2010, which was an accomplishment for me. So it's a challenge to kiss my newly found waistline goodbye and put back on the maternity pants! Also, to deal with bad skin, among other unattractive side effects.

However, I feel selfish complaining about such things, as I know what an amazing blessing it is to be pregnant and to welcome another little one. I am meeting with the high risk doctors this time around due to our pregnancy experience with Kate, and I will get a detailed ultrasound on Friday. I'm excited to get a good glimpse of the little one, and I'm sure it's too early to tell the gender, but I am hoping for a good shot of it. Hoping that all is well and healthy with the little one. I have been feeling pretty good the most part, with the exception of a few weeks of nausea. I might post pictures soon if I can get up the nerve.

Year in Review

2010-12-30T16:38:00.002-07:00

I can't believe 2010 is over.. where did this year go? It has been a year of ups and downs, good and sad things, but we continue to learn and grow from our experiences. I look forward to a new year with new adventures, trials, and joys. Here's some of the high and low points from 2010 for our family.

The biggest, and saddest experience of the year was losing Jake in February. We miss him every day. The holidays were not the same without him and his presence was missed. I have felt comforted, knowing that he is looking out for our family. There have been many times this year I know he has been watching over us and especially Kate. Can't wait to see Jake again one day.

In April we took Maren to Moab and had a blast spoiling her with one on one attention. It was relaxing and wonderful.

In May we had one of the more scary expeiriences that I have had since I became a mother when Kate suffered several days of horrible seizures, including one at the pediatrican's office, which resulted in our second ambulance ride of the year. I remember watching helplessly and worrying about what the outcome would be. Thankfully, we have seen nothing like that since, and she has been doing really well as far as seizures go.

In June, we went to Glacier and Banff National Park with David, Sarah, Luke and Brenda. We camped for a full week and had a wonderful time. It was such beautiful scenery! So glad we went!

In July, Ryan and I had a blissful trip to Jackson Hole for a reward trip he won for his work. We hiked, canoed, went river rafting, and just enjoyed our time alone together. It was the highlight of my summer.

In October, we found out we were expecting our next precious angel. The decision to have another baby was extremely hard for me. Ryan has felt ready for a year or more, but for me I have been adamantly against it up until this fall. However, I began to feel strongly that it was time to put away my fear and welcome the next little one to our family. This little one is due in July, and we are so excited to meet him/her!

Then a few weeks ago Kate had her G tube surgery. The decision to have the surgery was heart wrenching for me. But I can honestly say it has been the best thing that we could do for Kate. She is constantly happy, laughing, smiling, and just overall a joy to be around ever since the surgery. She has gained almost two lbs in the three weeks since the surgery!

Overall, I can just say that this year has reminded me of how blessed we are. Life can be challenging, and sometimes it's so easy to be overwhelmed. But I am so thankful for my family, and for all the other blessings in my life. Happy New Year to all!

Christmas Happenings

2010-12-25T10:50:00.006-07:00

It was wonderful! Merry Christmas!

Snow Day

2010-12-18T11:11:00.003-07:00

How she's doing

2010-12-12T07:48:00.002-07:00

I've had a lot of people call, email, and text to ask how Kate is doing with her new feeding tube. The last few days have been a bit rough. It seems like she may have developed a bit of a immunity to the pain meds, so she is in pain a lot and crying a lot. To make matters worse, it's really hard for me to hold her, because if I accidently touch the area where the tube goes in, she screams in pain. It's frustrating sometimes and makes me get a bit angry that a child should have to suffer pain.

However, the feedings are going well. It is very convenient to give her the food and water that she needs through the tube, and it's wonderful to give her medications through the tube. Before the tube. we had to struggle to get her to take her medications, and she would often gag, cough, and spit them out so we were left wondering how much of it she kept down. That's not a problem any more! She is well hydrated and nourished and that is a big blessing.

It will take us some time to get used to it, but once Kate's pain goes away, I am hoping it will be well worth it. Again, I want to thank all those who pray for us and those angels who have helped take care of us this past week, including our parents, neighbors, and friends. We are so blessed to have such a wonderful support group, it really makes me feel like we're not alone in this journey. I've been finding it a little hard to get into the Christmas spirit this year, but I am reminded of the true meaning of Christmas by all the love extended toward our family.

Surgery

2010-12-08T18:52:00.006-07:00

I got home tonight from having Kate's G tube surgery done yesterday. She did very well, and is already taking feedings through the tube. The surgery was short, only about an hour, but she has been having a lot of pain since the surgery and is being medicated for pain. It was a long night listening to her cry off and on which was torture, but thankfully it seems to be managed to day and we are back in the comfort of our own home. Kate got a visit today from two players from the Utah Grizzlies, that was fun! I'm anxious to see how things go now that it is done and see if it helps her. Thanks to everyone for your prayers and support, it means so much to our family!

Nerves

2010-12-05T07:19:00.002-07:00

Kate is having her surgery this week to get her G tube put in, and I am a bundle of nerves. As far as surgeries go, it's nothing majorly serious, but it's serious to me because it's completely new and going to completely change the way she eats. I still haven't given in 100% to the idea. Ryan and I took the class Friday night at Primary Childrens about caring for the tube and the potential risks, and we both left in a bit of a stupor about it. It looked overwhelming and a little scary, although all the moms I have talked to have said it makes life much easier for mommy and child. We're having our Bishop help Ryan give Kate a blessing tomorrow night, and we appreciate any additional prayers that this is the right thing to do and that it will go smoothly and help Kate.

Some Happy News

2010-11-29T16:37:00.004-07:00

I went to the doctor today and got my first glimpse of the new addition that will be joining our family this summer. Seeing the little jumping bean on the ultrasound screen reminded me how blessed we are. I have been dying keeping our secret inside and haven’t been able to hold it back from everyone, but am so thrilled that we will be having a third little baby.

It is a bit of a leap of faith and a bit stressful after our last experience of being pregnant, but I am so thankful that Heavenly Father trusts our family enough to send one more little spirit to us. I know this baby will be a dear friend to both Kate and Maren. We have a lot of love to give and are so excited to meet this little one! I'm sharing the news a bit early as we'd appreciate any prayers on behalf of the new little one. More information to come as things progress!

Hoffman Family Feast

2010-11-22T06:52:00.003-07:00

We had the Hoffman family up to our house for an early Thanksgiving dinner last night. I was worried because they all had to drive up in the first big snow storm all year, but every one made it safe and sound!
Here's Kobe, Spencer, Gavin, and Jacob.
Kate was content to sit in her chair and watch all the action.
The younger kid table.
We got a picture of all the Hoffman grandkids, minus Adelaide.
Here's Ryan, Bob, and Erik. We missed Nate, Luke, and Jake this year. It's not the same without them here.

We had a wonderful, relaxing evening! Now, if my ears will just stop ringing from the noise of 16 kids running around...

Every once in a while

2010-11-18T07:12:00.002-07:00

One night a week, Ryan lets me get out of the house to do whatever I want and he stays home and takes care of the girls. It’s a great break from the daily grind and everything that I have to do. Lately I have been going to movies by myself. Sometimes it’s nice just to go see whatever silly movie I want to see and not have to worry about what someone else thinks of it. Also, it’s an opportunity to see every chick flick there is out there, without hearing the mocking words of my husband!

Last night I went and saw the movie “Life as We Know It”. It’s a movie about two single people who are left their friends’ baby after her parents are killed in a car accident. It was funny and entertaining, but there was a scene at the end of the movie that just got to me. The scene was when the baby says “Mommy” for the first time. For some reason, that moment in the movie just hit me, and I started crying right in the middle of the movie theater. I thought about Kate and how badly I would love to hear “Mommy” from her. Kate has the sweetest little voice, but she doesn’t speak words yet and we don’t know if she will. With Kate, it’s easy for me to focus on all of her positive traits and her sweet personality. But every once in a while, certain things hit me, like when I see a child her age at the Nursery singing, playing, and dancing around. I recently got called to lead the music in the Nursery at church and I see Kate’s peers every week. They are so beautiful and fun, but it is a reminder of what Kate might be doing right now.

However, one thing Ryan and I have learned, is to cherish every day with our little angel. Because with another child, I don’t know that a single smile could be so beautiful, or be capable of filling my heart with so much joy. Ryan said to me last night that we may hear “Mommy” in this life, or maybe not, but when I do hear that eventually it will mean so much more to me than I ever thought was possible.

Random fun times

2010-11-14T09:37:00.007-07:00

We have been hanging out with family and friends a lot lately, especially for Kate's birthday this past week. Kate enjoyed her special day!
We had our neighbors over for dinner the night of her actual birthday and they brought cupcakes.
Kate tried it but didn't know what to think about the frosting.
Later in the week my parents came and brought this yummy Elmo cake.
We got a visit Friday from Auntie Emily. (Sorry Emily, I knew I said I wouldn't post the picture.)
On Saturday we went to watch our nephew Spencer play in his Championship Football game.
Brighton won the game!
Maren had a blast running around with her sidekick and cousin Cole.

It was freezing and we did anything we could to keep warm.

This last video clip is Maren singing. She has become quite the singer and entertains us for hours!

Surgery scheduled

2010-11-11T13:27:00.001-07:00

We met with our doctor yesterday and discussed the probability of needing a G tube for Kate. After a lot of prayer and decisions, we have made the decision to have the tube installed, and the surgery is scheduled for December 7th. She will have the surgery that morning and will spend one night at the hospital, then get to come home the 8th.

I’ll be honest, the decision has been heart wrenching for me, and I still don't like it. But I keep coming back to the fact that we need to do what’s best for our little angel. After watching her need to be hydrated last week and struggle to eat over the past several months, what we’ve been doing is just not working. Please keep Kate in your prayers as we head into this surgery. I know she’ll be happier and healthier afterwards! A happy Kate is a happy Mom!

Happy Birthday Kate!

2010-11-08T06:04:00.003-07:00

Dear Kate,

I can't believe you are two years today. The past year has been full of many wonderful moments and you continue to amaze us with your beautiful spirit. Despite the challenges, you bring joy to us every day. You have helped us to realize more what things are important in life. We have come to accept that you are here to strengthen us and every person who comes into contact with you. I am often told that people feel an amazing and calming spirit when they hold you or are near you. I am lucky enough as your mother to get to feel that spirit every day. You have no idea how precious you are to me.

I realize that life can be a struggle for you. But I am so thankful that you are mine. You make me want to be a better person. Thank you for being mine. I love you,

Happy Birthday!

Love, Mom

You can't win them all

2010-11-06T21:22:00.005-06:00

The Utah/TCU game was a huge bummer today. You can't win them all, but I feel like a winner being a mom of two of the cutest little cheerleaders around...

By the way... Kate's squinty face is her actually focusing on the camera. We are seeing lots of tracking and following lately. Very exciting!

Warrior

2010-11-04T20:02:00.007-06:00

I spent the morning at Primary Childrens getting Kate's fourth round of Botox. I'll admit... I wasn't in the mood before I went. I was exhausted due to the long week I've had, including a trip to California yesterday for work where we traveled there and back in one day and I got home late last night. I really just wanted to be sleeping later instead of waking my girls up at the crack of dawn, making the hour long drive to the hospital, waiting forever, while imagining the medical bills racking up.

But, it was a touching experience today. The area where Kate gets her Botox is the Rapid Treatment Unit. Children are admitted to that area for all kinds of different reasons, and Botox is just one of them. The doctors and nurses are so kind and compassionate. They have a lovely young woman who works there simply to make the experience less scary for the kids. She provides toys, entertainment, and various different things for the kids to make it a better experience for them. I noticed as she was walking in that she suffered from a bit of Cerebral Palsy herself. It was evident from the way she walked. But she didn't let it phase her. I watched her work with Kate. She asked me if Kate would enjoy a toy. I explained that Kate doesn't yet play with toys. She then went out of her way to think of something that would help Kate relax. She left and came back with one of those Aquarium mobiles that makes relaxing, soothing music. She held it up to Kate and she was mesmerized. The music relaxed her and she enjoyed looking at the bright colors. While she was there, this employee talked kindly to Kate, treated her like she was just a normal child. She stayed with us, talking to Kate until she was sedated and the procedure began.

After working with Kate, I watched her go into the next room and work with a little girl who was getting chemotherapy. I watched this amazing woman put a smile on that sweet little girl's face. I imagine that's a hard thing to accomplish when the children are probably feeling pretty lousy, but she was able to do it. It takes a lot of pressure off of the parents, who are already so worried about their child's comfort.

I was thinking that this woman was a warrior. She didn't let her own disability stop her, and she used her life to help strengthen and improve the life of others. I only hope to be that kind of example some day.

Halloween

2010-11-01T15:39:00.005-06:00

Halloween this year was a lot of fun! It was a crazy week due to being month end for me at work, we were assigned to speak at church yesterday, and other pressing issues, but we were able to enjoy it and had a great time! Ryan was the ever-sexy Napolean Dynamite, Kate was an angel, and Maren was a little witch. Friday night we carved pumpkins with my family, then Saturday Ryan took Maren trick or treating in the pouring rain. I love Halloween! Sad it's over! But looking forward to the holidays.

Decisions

2010-10-26T10:52:00.000-06:00

We met with Kate’s early intervention nurse this morning. She said that she has discussed Kate with our pediatrician and they think that it is time that we get a G tube put into Kate. She has not gained any weight in over a year. She went over the process of what is involved with the tube, and what would be involved with the maintaining of it and the diet. I have known for a while that this would probably become necessary at some point. Feeding Kate is one of the biggest struggles that I face. It can take up to a good 45 minutes to get her to eat a bottle and the whole time she is usually crying, arching, and struggling to get out of my arms. It is a big frustration to feed her but something that must be done.

It’s hard to accept the thought of a tube because as a mom one of the biggest nurturing things you can do for your child is feed and nourish them. It’s painful to think of not being able to do that. I have spoken with several other mothers whose children needed the tube, and they said that once they made the decision, they realized how much better it was for their children. They were able to get food, water, and medicines through the tube and get the nourishment that they need.

We are meeting with Kate’s pediatrician in the next two weeks but in the mean time I am praying for the strength to make this decision and be okay with it. Decisions are hard, some times, especially when it comes to your precious children and knowing what is best for them.

Weekend Fun

2010-10-17T08:33:00.005-06:00

I've been posting a lot lately, but it's because we've been busy doing a lot of fun things. This weekend was a lot of fun. Yesterday we went on the Heber Creeper on a fun new ride they have that takes you to a pumpkin patch. Maren loved it, she was a huge fan.
The train stopped at the patch, we got out and the girls got to pick a pumpkin and then decorate it.
They had hayrides for the kids.
Afterewards they had cookies and hot chocolate for everyone.
Maren and Kate chilling on the train. Kate has been a bit under the weather this week, so the train ride was relaxing for her.
The fall scenery was beautiful from the train. We live in such a beautiful place. I love the country feel.
Last night we had our annual Halloween party with our friends from our old Park City ward. We had a blast eating and talking. Here's Darcie, Anna, Me, Brittany, and Molly. (We missed you Heidi!)
The guys were content hanging out on the couch and watching football!

Dance Fever

2010-10-15T07:45:00.001-06:00

There has been a lot of dancing going on at our house... we have been having lots of fun!

Article

2010-10-12T08:22:00.000-06:00

http://www.standard.net/topics/business/2010/10/10/friends-donate-time-supplies-home-cancer-victims-family

The highlighted article ran in the Ogden Standard Examiner about our sister in law Ali and her family, and all of the good works that are being done for them right now. I am constantly amazed by the kindess that exists in people's hearts. If anyone knows someone in the contruction business who might be interested in donating to a worthy cause, this is a good one.